Mar 23, 2009

My best friend is having problems

My best friend is having problems


My best friend is having problems which she can't even mention to me and she is so depressed and its tearing us apart. What do I do?

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Hi,

Going down with her is of no use. I know this can sound strange but the best way to help her is to stay in a clear space yourself. If you both go down in a depressed state, who is going to help you both then?

The compassion reflex of picking up on her mood is a wrong one. Her emotions or what is happening in her life is in her, not in you.

So, the first step is not to take responsibility for someone else's feelings or problems. This is by far the most important.

Once you secure that, and you still want to help, see if she is willing to receive help from you or not. As a friend, you can be supportive and come with ideas and insights. For this to work, she needs to be open for it and clearly make a step to start sharing with you.

There are professionals who are trained to help people solve crisis situations. I suggest you pass her my contacts and encourage her to send me a mail to get free advice. If it' beyond my range, I'll refer her to other professionals...